Thursday, March 24, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Most of you know that we are having a baby girl soon, but do not know the details. Carrie will be induced on Wednesday the 16th of March. It's only days away! We have been lucky enough (thanks, Mom) to see her many times in 3D ultrasounds. She is beautiful. Carrie says she's got my lips and we can only hope that she's also got my thighs :-)
We found out four months ago at our 20-week ultrasound that our special baby girl, Logan, has a lethal heart defect. It has gotten worse with time. Logan's time with us will be very short. Doctors expect that she will be born alive, but do not know whether her little heart will keep her alive for minutes, days, or weeks. We have two wishes for Logan and Carrie and me:
- Logan will be comfortable and feel no pain
- We hope to be able to hold her alive
The past four months have been very difficult. We have found peace in our testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ as we know it. We know that we knew our sweet little girl before this life, and that she is a very special and courageous spirit. She has proven herself to her Heavenly Father already, and does not need the trials and pain that come with earth life. All she needed to complete her Father's plan for her is a physical body, which Carrie and I are honored to participate in providing for her. We are so very proud to welcome this heroic spirit into our family. We know that through the sacrifice of her older brother and our Savior, we can live with Logan for eternity if we do our part. She will be our guiding star.
We have largely kept this situation to ourselves. It has been a difficult thing to talk about. I know you'll understand why we've been so private about it. We are blessed to have incredible family and friends. You all want to know what you can do to help. Please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers. If you would like, please join me in a 24-hour fast on Saturday and Sunday for the two wishes I've bulleted above. I have seen the Lord grant incredible miracles when I've sacrificed and fasted, and we really need his help right now.
We can hardly wait to meet our little Angel in a few days. Thanks for your love and support. I will try and update this blog with new information and pictures when we have them.
Bryan & Carrie
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
We have decided to name her Logan. This name is just perfect for her. First, a “logan” is something that is not solid; or has a space or gap or cavity. Given that her little heart is not complete and has a hole in it I felt like this was a beautiful way to pay tribute to her and her sweet little heart. Next, Bryan and I met in the town “Logan” and have many wonderful memories there. We lived in our first home there, we found out we were pregnant there; the list goes on and on. We just love the name Logan for her.
Over the past few months we have been coming to terms with the idea that Logan's time with us will be short. We are cherishing each "belly" moment with her now and can't wait to meet her and are hopeful that we will get a little bit of time with her before she returns to Heaven. I feel bad that at the first half of my pregnancy I felt burdened, I hated the sleeplessness, the sickness, the nosebleeds, etc. Now, I love being pregnant. I love how active Logan is. She is moving all the time. This is probably partially due to the Dr. Pepper and yummy snacks she gets every day. I could just watch my belly for hours. I wake up in the middle of the night and shine a light on my belly and just watch her move around. There is no doubt that Bryan and I want her very much and are cherishing her as our baby already. Being pregnant with her is amazing and I feel heartache for those I know that have not been able to experience it. I can’t imagine the despair that they have had. So, although being a “mother” is something that I may have to wait for I am so happy that God has given me the gift of carrying this little baby.
We are thankful for all of the support that our families and friends have given us. This is the most humbling experience in the world and without all the prayers and support it would be unbearable. Bryan and I have been pretty private about our circumstances, I think we just don’t know what to say to people and know that people probably don’t know what to say to us. I have moments where I am so sad that I don’t know if I can get through this. I read something the other day that said “The Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it.” I keep thinking about this over and over and have to believe that this is true. My whole life I have had this concept of “faith” but never until now have fully understood what faith is. I imagine that my concept of faith will be a very present part of my life and will be ever changing. Today, I am trying to have faith that I can get through this.